译者按:戒色一周年,虽然戒得不是很完美,但为了感谢贴吧的前辈以及帮助戒色新人,即日起在学习英语之余为大家翻译国外戒色网站的优秀文章,希望大家喜欢!

说明:

NF=nofap,戒撸运动
Age 26 – 500 days: I*m finally in a relationship unlike any I*ve ever been
26岁-500天:我最终进入一种我从来都没有过的状态

双喜临门,我从来没有听说过NF(戒撸运动),第一次是我的一位朋友告诉我这个网页.他也是无意识地被(邪淫)绊倒。我的第一反应是:作为一个男人,我再也不会手淫了,同时暗自期盼我可以。

从没开始禁欲的前几个月,我持续地试着摆脱邪淫,但是从来都没有超过3-5天,我没有意识到我已经成瘾。我已经明确地知道我不想再手淫了,我能够停下来。
事实证明(戒除手淫)比我想的难多了。

在我为了获得徽章注册之前,我花了差不多一个月时间浏览NF,将我的邪淫史发布到网上。那是在一个无所事事的周末之前的一个星期五,我将最有用的(戒色)忠告列了一个清单,我将在清单后面继续写下去,帮助我安全度过周末或者更远,但是从那以后我再也没有看过(这个清单)。由于我欠了对大家的感恩之情,我要感激你们这些男孩女孩,我愿意分享我的经历,以期望帮助其他像我一样为这个问题而挣扎的小伙伴们。如果这篇帖子能给你一点获得勋章的动力,亦或是能坚持90天(类似于我们的百日筑基),甚至只帮助了一个人,我也愿意做这件事情。

在你决定做出“我不能再撸了”的挑战”之前,让我告诉你禁欲正确(我们所说的无害论荒谬)的真相。或者只是告诉你你所经历的每一天你应该如何去思考。这会让你感觉太真实以至于你你会决心戒撸。邪淫可以成瘾,你会经历情绪的跌宕起伏和进入万丈深渊。真相就是:今天,一个撸管者可以像一个正常人一样征服一座他从来没有到过的高山。刚开始,很难甚至不可能突破“魔幻”90天,但是如果你每次前进一小步,你的肌肉,你的意志力(飞翔哥说的定力)将会增长,直到战胜它成为可能。这就是为什么我所能告你的最好的建议就是一步一脚印,坚持不懈。不要将你现在做的事情看作是为了达到90天的战争(不要将天数看作是目标),那样对你来说太难坚持。要明白,你现在做的事情仅仅是在改过自新。当心魔(urge翻译为飞翔哥说的心魔)来临,你要说不!咆哮着(将头)埋进枕头,在枕头里怒吼!将这些念头赶走!让你自己分心!你要回想,如果没有手淫,你现在该多好!如果再复撸,你将要损失多少啊!即使重新开始或许你都无法打赢这张战争!你不要让心魔为所欲为!第一次,每一次心魔来临你都要说不!这就是戒撸!不是重复的90天给你力量,这是一种微妙的生活方式的改变,无论心魔何时来临,要平静的说一声“不!”,试着去坚持下来。

在开始的几个月,要学会转移注意力。 就像在山上的男人,你仍然在增长你的定力去战胜(邪淫)。所以千万不要让自满自傲干扰你,让你觉得你足够强大,结果一撸回到解放前。有一天你会有(足够的定力),但不是现在。你要集聚你所有的业余时间、精力和信心,沿着NF上的戒色前辈的方法让你自己全神贯注。开始的几周确实是一场转移注意力的战争。(我强烈推荐 打开DNS或者其他网页形式的过滤服务,尤其是如果它在新的设置起效之前有一个3分钟的延期。用这种方式,即使你有所犹豫,3分钟会给你足够的时间去意识到你不应该那样做,然后解除设置)

同样地,对于NF(上的建议)最难达到的是去想象你从来都没有撸过?。一旦你看到:“wow,我已戒掉80或者100天,我真棒!”这样的盲目自信会将你绊倒。每天,对我最有用的事情就是对自己说“X 天已是过去, Y 天才是未来”.从来不要看过去的X天,要牢记未来的Y天。即使你又戒了一天,你还是什么都没有做。即使你已经达到你的目标,你的自由来自于你的警觉。(飞翔哥说的即使戒除好几年,仍然如履薄冰)。就像其他习惯一样,随着时间的推移,这种意识将会越来越容易保持。(飞翔哥说的进入稳定期,煎熬感消失)。
(翻译到这里,对飞翔哥充满无限的敬意,飞翔哥写过:这是一场关于念头的战争,)

尽管一些人说,禁欲未必使你进入自信和能力的天堂,即使刚开始的一个月,感觉确实是这样的。禁欲能给你的是更多的对自我生活的控制。这有点像从青春期到成年的过渡。这不是
神经冲动的外相,你能够带着你的本能和初心学会自我克制和保持警觉,这会渗入到你生活的方方面面,让你的生活随你掌控。

尽管一些人说,禁欲未必使你进入自信和能力的天堂,即使刚开始的一个月,感觉确实是这样的。禁欲能给你的是更多的对自我生活的控制。这有点像从青春期到成年的过渡。这不是
神经冲动的外相,你能够带着你的本能和初心学会自我克制和保持警觉,这会渗入到你生活的方方面面,让你的生活随你掌控。

现在我已经进入一种我从来都没有过的状态,因为我最终可以把我的另一半看作是另外一个人而不是有时看作是发泄的对象(这种警觉的水平步入正轨,帮助改善关系,自从你现在直接知道你自己的欲望并没有想象的那么重要,你可以对自己的欲望说不,先去完成其他的事情),现在我一直努力地提升我自己,而不仅仅是期望我可以!

所有这一切都来自于500天的戒色,这是人类所期望寿命的超过百分之一的时间。
译者按:由于英语水平很有限,本着不求甚解的态度,翻译的问题很多,有的不是很严格,以后随着英语水平提高我会改进的,下面附上原文,戒友们可以顺便学习英语。

Age 26 – 500 days: I*m finally in a relationship unlike any I*ve ever been

Submitted by admin on Sun, 10/06/2013 – 12:19
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Happy couple .The first time I had ever heard about NF was when a redditor friend of mine showed me this page he had randomly stumbled upon. My reaction was to admit “oh, man I could never do that”, while secretly wishing I could.

For months before NF, I had been trying to quit continuously, but never got past 3 to 5 days. And I didn*t think I was addicted, I had just figured if I don*t want to do it I should be able to stop.

It proved to be much harder than that.

It took me just over a good month of reading NF and getting my affairs into order before I registered for a badge. That day was a Friday of all days, right before a long weekend with little to do. I*ve already made a post on extremely helpful tips that I*ll link at the bottom of this one that got me through that weekend and beyond, but after that day I didn*t look back. And it*s because of the enormous debt of gratitude that I owe to you guys and gals that I wanted to share my experiences in the hopes of giving back to others struggling with this same problem. If this post gives that last bit of motivation to get a badge, or to stick out the full 90 days for sure, to even one person, it will have done its job.

Let me tell you the truth about NF right when you decide to take the challenge : you won*t be able to do it. Or, at least, that*s what you*re going to think every single day that you are doing it, and it*ll feel so true that you just can*t take it any more. It is an addiction, and you will be going through the emotional ups and downs and downs of withdrawal. The truth is a day one fapstronaut is like a man setting out to climb a tall mountain who has never walked before that day. At first it will be impossible and too much to get to the “magical” 90 day mark, but as you walk a little bit more each time your muscles, your willpower, will grow and it will become possible. That is why the best advice I can give you is to take it one day at a time, always. Don*t look at what you*re doing as fighting a war to quit for 90 days, then it seems too big to take on. Realize that what you*re doing is just saying no once. When that urge comes up, you say no, you scream into a pillow, you scream internally, you throw those thoughts away, you distract yourself, you realize how much better you*ve done without it and how much you have to lose going back and starting over and maybe not even getting this far, and you don*t let that urge go anywhere. You say no, that one time, and you do that every one time that it comes up. That*s it. Not 90 days of constant will power, just a subtle lifestyle change, a quiet “no” whenever the random desire flickers up and tries to take hold.

And for the first few months, by god, do distract yourself. Like the man at the mountain, you*re still developing your willpower to fight it, so never let arrogance convince you to edge or that you*re strong enough to go there a little and come back. One day you might be, but not just yet. So put all that extra time and energy and confidence that comes with starting NF to use on other ventures to keep yourself preoccupied. The first few weeks are really a battle of distraction. (I highly recommend OpenDNS or some other kind of web filtering service, especially if it comes with a 3 minute delay before new settings take effect. That way, even if you falter, the 3 minutes give you enough time to realize you really don*t want to do this, and unset those settings. )

Likewise the hardest thing to accept about NF is to never think you*re done. Once you look at “wow, I*ve already gone 80, or 100, days, I*m so great” the false confidence will trip you up. The most helpful thing for me has been to, every day, say to myself “X days down, Y days to go”. You never look at the X without the Y. Even if you*re a day away, you*re still not done. Even if you*ve met your goal, your freedom from those chains is guaranteed only by your vigilance. Which, just like any habit, becomes much, much easier with time the longer you stick to it.

Despite what some people say, NF will not make you into a god of confidence and ability, although for the first few months it*ll really feel like that. What NF will do is give you more control of your own life. It*s a little bit like the transition from adolescence to adulthood. Instead of acting on impulse, you*ll be learning self-restraint and mindfulness with one of the most primal instincts, which will flow over into every part of your life and make your life*s decisions be entirely up to you.

When I started this 500 days ago, I had trouble concentrating; I couldn*t commit to a goal for more than a week at a time. Whenever I*d have a day off, it*d be wasted in lazy indulgence and nothing more, knowing that I COULD be doing more with my time and that I wasn*t. Now I can handle 50, 60 hour work weeks regularly without even noticing it, now I*ve been able to make the choice to exercise regularly and stick to it.

Now I*m in a relationship unlike any I*ve ever been in because I can finally treat my partner as another human being rather than sometimes as an object of desire (and that degree of mindfulness goes a long way with helping relationships, since you now know firsthand that your own desires aren*t as important as they make themselves out to be, that you can say no to them to put others first); now I*m constantly working on improving myself instead of just wishing I could.

And all this from doing NF for just over 1% of the average expected lifespan I have ahead of me. That*s the difference NF makes, and that*s the difference I hope for all of you.

For a list of tips and tools to get you through those 90 days, here is my post on what pushed me through it: https://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/ydols/26yo_m_virgin_ju

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